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nimdreamsThis is my long history with dogs and as a dog. I have always called myself strongly dog-hearted even when I didn't call myself a dog therian. After switching between hearted and therian, I have decided to call my dog identity a vaguetype. My identity as a dog is hearted with a sprinkle of therianthropy. This post was originally 1,743 words and took on average 13.4 minutes to read, but has been edited slightly for my tumblr.
Written March 26, 2023 and edited on October 4, 2023.
My connection to dogs started at a very early age. My first word was the name of my babysitter's dog. My parents believe I never bonded with my babysitter, but I was completely focused on her little Maltese. As a young child growing up, I asked all my neighbors to walk their dogs and I asked for a dog or any pet every birthday. I started reading the dog books in the library.
When I was 7 we got our first family dog, a Flat-Coated Retriever. He was my little brother and a good friend. I remember learning so much from him, copying his behavior and acting more and more like a dog myself. I remember when he was a little older, we went to a Flat-Coated day and I was standing with my dog plushie surrounded by Flat-Coats and I just wished I was a dog amongst them. I wanted them to recognize me as one of them, play with them as a dog. This is the first memory I have of wanting to be a dog physically.
When I was around 9 years old is when I came across the Elfquest comics. This is when I awakened as an elf, an identity I no longer hold and is now an anteatype. The only reason why I identified as an elf is because these elves were half wolves, they had wolfblood and wolves recognized them as one of their own, the way I wanted to be recognized by dogs. I had a big collection of plushies, but the ones most dear to me and that I mostly played with were dog plushies. I could act like I was a dog too with them, or could pretend the plushies were my puppies. Even though I acted like a dog, wanted to be recognized as a dog, and considered dogs my kin, I didn't consciously identify as/with one.
As time went on, I kept asking for my own dog. I had finished all the library books on dogs. When I was 14 I finally got my wish and we rehomed another Flat-Coated Retriever. She was supposed to be mine, but she never got over her first family abandoning her. Though she was like a sister, she always kept herself apart from our family. I remember trying to act like a dog and get her to like me. Show her I was of her kind and that she could befriend me. It hurt me a lot to be rejected by her. This is also around the age where I was supposed to be getting older and play acting like a dog wasn't okay anymore so I stopped acting as a dog, even though I only ever did privately.
Then I was 18, going to turn 19 and moving away from home to go to college. I just couldn't do it without a dog as companion and since I didn't want to disrupt the life of my Flat-Coat, I decided to get a puppy of a small breed. This is when my first dogson, a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, came into my life. He was my everything. I was fully responsible for him by myself and raised him and mothered him. I fully felt like a dogmom, like I was a dog too and he was my own. He and I had the most special and deep bond. He was only with me for 8 years. For his breed is known as the most sick breed, if they survive as a puppy they usually die at a young age of heart failure. This breed is seriously the most kind and soft hearted breed you will ever find. They don't deserve the suffering they go through. My Cavalier was my world, my life, my everything. During the hardest times of my life he was there to encourage me to keep going. His love taught me what true love is.
Skip forward to me joining the community in April, 2018. My first dogson had already passed away. I was questioning my theriotype and possible kintype, but as soon as I learned about hearted, I called myself dog-hearted. It was super clear to me that I had such a bond with dogs. Sometimes I'd question if it was my theriotype, but I always dismissed it as I "didn't see myself as a dog". Even though I had the experiences of a dog therian, like wanting to interact with dogs as a dog or wanting my own litter of puppies instead of human offspring.
28 January 2020 I confirmed being a Chinese Crested dog therian. I had been questioning if I was a dog therian and looking at different breeds and the Crestie just "clicked" for me. After a while I went back to dog-hearted and would go back and forth between that and Crestie therian. Until 7 October 2021, when I had my first strong and clear envisage shift of what I looked like as a dog. I could not find a breed matching it however so from this moment on whenever I called myself a dog therian I was flip-flopping between a Chinese Crested and trying to find the breed matching this envisage shift. As time went on and I got more shifts, I felt more and more that the way I looked in that envisage shift is who I truly am and that I was not a Crestie.
I don't know why I kept switching between therian and hearted. Calling myself a dog therian felt good and like I was more myself. I knew that if I left the community, my dogness would remain and my connection to dogs would remain. My history with dogs, what they have always meant to me and how I feel partly like one of them. That is a true part of myself. I guess part of me didn't really feel bothered with the label, /because/ of what dogs mean to me in my life. A label doesn't matter or change that. I now feel happy labeling it a vaguetype. I finally feel like I won't keep switching around anymore.
Monday 20 March 2023, on this day I was looking at breeds again. Trying to find a match for my envisage shift, my appearance as a dog. At this point I thought I was a mutt or mixed breeds as I just couldn't find dogs that looked like me, but then I found the Silken Windsprite and it fit me perfectly. A red fawn colored Silken Windsprite is what I saw myself as. It was different from the "click" I had with Chinese Crested dogs. I was already in my 30s when I first had a good clear idea of what I look like as a dog, though I did always have that click with dogs with blond fur. After identifying as a Windsprite I went back to dog-hearted and eventually settled with Golden Retriever, because of those same plushies I loved since I was a child. My main puppy plushie was a golden and I have heavily imprinted on golden puppies as being what I would have as my own. You can read more about this in my post on breeds. I am of the belief that it's completely okay to figure yourself out along the way. Crestie is what I understood at first, but with time I learned more.
Six years ago, my husband (then boyfriend) and I, after losing my first dogson, were looking to be a new home for an adult dog. This is when my second dogson came into my life. He is a Bolonka Zwetna, a small breed. Though he is my son, I miss having had him as a puppy when I could've really been a dogmom and have a space for my motherhood feelings. I love him deeply and dearly, though our connection is not like my first dogson. It doesn't have to be, he is his own little person and we have our own bond.
My health isn't as bad as it was a few years ago. My husband had to take care of me for a long time, and having a dog was in reality a little bit too much for us. I am doing a lot better now and am able to walk our dogson. Our love for our him leads us to push ourselves to give him the best care and life.
Sorry this was such a long one, I didn't plan anything for this post; I just wrote what came to mind as I went along. If you read this whole thing, thank you so much and I hope it was of interest or help to you!
Written March 26, 2023 and edited on October 4, 2023.
My connection to dogs started at a very early age. My first word was the name of my babysitter's dog. My parents believe I never bonded with my babysitter, but I was completely focused on her little Maltese. As a young child growing up, I asked all my neighbors to walk their dogs and I asked for a dog or any pet every birthday. I started reading the dog books in the library.
When I was 7 we got our first family dog, a Flat-Coated Retriever. He was my little brother and a good friend. I remember learning so much from him, copying his behavior and acting more and more like a dog myself. I remember when he was a little older, we went to a Flat-Coated day and I was standing with my dog plushie surrounded by Flat-Coats and I just wished I was a dog amongst them. I wanted them to recognize me as one of them, play with them as a dog. This is the first memory I have of wanting to be a dog physically.
When I was around 9 years old is when I came across the Elfquest comics. This is when I awakened as an elf, an identity I no longer hold and is now an anteatype. The only reason why I identified as an elf is because these elves were half wolves, they had wolfblood and wolves recognized them as one of their own, the way I wanted to be recognized by dogs. I had a big collection of plushies, but the ones most dear to me and that I mostly played with were dog plushies. I could act like I was a dog too with them, or could pretend the plushies were my puppies. Even though I acted like a dog, wanted to be recognized as a dog, and considered dogs my kin, I didn't consciously identify as/with one.
As time went on, I kept asking for my own dog. I had finished all the library books on dogs. When I was 14 I finally got my wish and we rehomed another Flat-Coated Retriever. She was supposed to be mine, but she never got over her first family abandoning her. Though she was like a sister, she always kept herself apart from our family. I remember trying to act like a dog and get her to like me. Show her I was of her kind and that she could befriend me. It hurt me a lot to be rejected by her. This is also around the age where I was supposed to be getting older and play acting like a dog wasn't okay anymore so I stopped acting as a dog, even though I only ever did privately.
Then I was 18, going to turn 19 and moving away from home to go to college. I just couldn't do it without a dog as companion and since I didn't want to disrupt the life of my Flat-Coat, I decided to get a puppy of a small breed. This is when my first dogson, a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, came into my life. He was my everything. I was fully responsible for him by myself and raised him and mothered him. I fully felt like a dogmom, like I was a dog too and he was my own. He and I had the most special and deep bond. He was only with me for 8 years. For his breed is known as the most sick breed, if they survive as a puppy they usually die at a young age of heart failure. This breed is seriously the most kind and soft hearted breed you will ever find. They don't deserve the suffering they go through. My Cavalier was my world, my life, my everything. During the hardest times of my life he was there to encourage me to keep going. His love taught me what true love is.
Skip forward to me joining the community in April, 2018. My first dogson had already passed away. I was questioning my theriotype and possible kintype, but as soon as I learned about hearted, I called myself dog-hearted. It was super clear to me that I had such a bond with dogs. Sometimes I'd question if it was my theriotype, but I always dismissed it as I "didn't see myself as a dog". Even though I had the experiences of a dog therian, like wanting to interact with dogs as a dog or wanting my own litter of puppies instead of human offspring.
28 January 2020 I confirmed being a Chinese Crested dog therian. I had been questioning if I was a dog therian and looking at different breeds and the Crestie just "clicked" for me. After a while I went back to dog-hearted and would go back and forth between that and Crestie therian. Until 7 October 2021, when I had my first strong and clear envisage shift of what I looked like as a dog. I could not find a breed matching it however so from this moment on whenever I called myself a dog therian I was flip-flopping between a Chinese Crested and trying to find the breed matching this envisage shift. As time went on and I got more shifts, I felt more and more that the way I looked in that envisage shift is who I truly am and that I was not a Crestie.
I don't know why I kept switching between therian and hearted. Calling myself a dog therian felt good and like I was more myself. I knew that if I left the community, my dogness would remain and my connection to dogs would remain. My history with dogs, what they have always meant to me and how I feel partly like one of them. That is a true part of myself. I guess part of me didn't really feel bothered with the label, /because/ of what dogs mean to me in my life. A label doesn't matter or change that. I now feel happy labeling it a vaguetype. I finally feel like I won't keep switching around anymore.
Monday 20 March 2023, on this day I was looking at breeds again. Trying to find a match for my envisage shift, my appearance as a dog. At this point I thought I was a mutt or mixed breeds as I just couldn't find dogs that looked like me, but then I found the Silken Windsprite and it fit me perfectly. A red fawn colored Silken Windsprite is what I saw myself as. It was different from the "click" I had with Chinese Crested dogs. I was already in my 30s when I first had a good clear idea of what I look like as a dog, though I did always have that click with dogs with blond fur. After identifying as a Windsprite I went back to dog-hearted and eventually settled with Golden Retriever, because of those same plushies I loved since I was a child. My main puppy plushie was a golden and I have heavily imprinted on golden puppies as being what I would have as my own. You can read more about this in my post on breeds. I am of the belief that it's completely okay to figure yourself out along the way. Crestie is what I understood at first, but with time I learned more.
Six years ago, my husband (then boyfriend) and I, after losing my first dogson, were looking to be a new home for an adult dog. This is when my second dogson came into my life. He is a Bolonka Zwetna, a small breed. Though he is my son, I miss having had him as a puppy when I could've really been a dogmom and have a space for my motherhood feelings. I love him deeply and dearly, though our connection is not like my first dogson. It doesn't have to be, he is his own little person and we have our own bond.
My health isn't as bad as it was a few years ago. My husband had to take care of me for a long time, and having a dog was in reality a little bit too much for us. I am doing a lot better now and am able to walk our dogson. Our love for our him leads us to push ourselves to give him the best care and life.
Sorry this was such a long one, I didn't plan anything for this post; I just wrote what came to mind as I went along. If you read this whole thing, thank you so much and I hope it was of interest or help to you!
