True Self and Dream Self
Mar. 10th, 2025 12:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nimdreamsDuring Centaurus Festival this year (2025) there was a panel on canon divergence for fictionfolk and it got me thinking about my own noemata and its fluidity and I wanted to write about that today!
https://youtu.be/3trKdVz7gX0?si=4YSw82HdkjJNI2tt
What I took away from the panel is that it is alright for noemata to be fluid and to go with what feels right, right now. To not be afraid to let go of what no longer serves you, and to not be too strict on yourself. You don't need to back up any of your claims, you don't need to have it all figured out perfectly, if it feels right to you, then it is your truth, and that is enough.
Since joining the community almost 7 years ago, my noemata has changed a LOT, many times. Part is because I am still figuring myself out and part is because I have many constels with their own noemata. At the moment though, all these noemata are combined into one identity and I wanted to share about that as well as my secondary identity, because I might as well while I am at it!
✨️ My true self ✨️
Right now, my believe is that my true self is a divine oneiric entity. I have no one true form, but can take any as a shapeshifter. As my true self white (hair, fur, scales etc) with golden eyes is sort of my default that feels very much like me, but I can appear in any form without constraints. Also as my true self, I am eons old, and have lived as dream goddess at times, but just as much I have just lived as different species, which are my constels. I would simply take the form of something and assimilate. I have noemata of some of these lives, but very little really. Besides shapeshifting, my main magic is dream magic, but I also use a lot of light magic.
A lot of identities I went by in the past, that I now call stels of mine, had a lot of the same feel to them. Fox spirit, Vulpecula, eidolon, star, for all of these my magic abilities stayed largely the same, the sense of self was the same even in the different appearances and slight shift in noemata. It feels really good to now see them all as parts of the same whole. Where I had felt so much uncertainty and kept looking so hard for who I *really truly* was, I now finally feel some peace. The fact that my identities are forms I took as a shapeshifter explains why I felt wrong deep down calling myself these. I always felt like I didn't quite fit in with the other elves, fae, fox spirits, dogs etc, that I was an imposter among them, and now I feel okay with that.
One noema that I keep coming back to is that I am from a place called the Dream. 'I was born from the Dream and to the Dream I will return'. I don't remember when I first wrote that down, but it has stayed with me. What I believe the Dream to be is a realm outside of the multiverse where all realities can be accessed from. This is where I get the title Dream Wanderer from, going from one universe to the other through dreams. I access different places and then spend time in them, sometimes thousands of years, as either my true self or pretending to be something else (my stels).
Another thing, something I have felt for years now, is that I feel very lonely in my alterhumanity. As if I am something unique and I can't find that connection with others that I crave. I enjoy using the term anymic to show this uniqueness, though I have also found other divine beings that feel the same. Even though my feeling of loneliness hasn't left within the community, I did find people who feel that same loneliness as well as whom had the same difficulty in finding their identity, which is sad that it is more common, but makes me feel better to share this experience with others. Outside the community, I have been finding some comfort in masculine divine oneiric entities, like Dream of the Endless or the Greek god Morpheus as sort of counterparts to myself.
To me, if you see a masculine divine oneiric entity, it is likely a facet of my other half. If you see a feminine divine oneiric entity, it is likely a facet of me. If you see something without gender or nonbinary, it is probably a combination of us. We are both dream concepts. I think perhaps any dream conceptkin could be facets of the same thing, but that is really just something I feel as a possibility, I don't want to push that onto anyone (not that I see lots of dream conceptfolk). I am very curious how other conceptkin feel about that, about others who share their concept.
Human is truly just another constel of mine. I entered this vessel to experience mortal life, though it is just one of the many lives I have tried, it is the first time it's not as a shapeshifter and my true self, but I am truly fully in a human body. I wasn't supposed to remember my true self in this life, and I believe that this vessel cannot contain my essence, and that is why I am severely chronically ill.
✨️My dream self ✨️
My dream self is part of my 'human stel'. My dream self is who I have become in my dreams. I started out as human, but became more and more oneiric and nonhuman as time went by, so I call my dream self an 'altered human'. For this identity, noemata are what I have dreamed about.
My dream self looks like a younger version of myself. I stopped changing and aging at one point. Sometimes I will have random dreams where I look differently, but that is all part of the dream experience. As my dream self I am not a shapeshifter, but I have illusion abilities. I will still be the same size and in a human body, but appear as different creatures to others. I also have intangibility as a main power. I can also control the elements and the weather, fly, breathe underwater, heal with light, become invisible, and at times prophesize or talk to machines.
I wish I had a really beautiful and obvious reason for being dream conceptfolk/an anymic divine oneiric entity, but I don't. Rather than having a good explanation, it just dawned on me more and more over the years. It started with confirming dream deity in early January of 2022 and it has morphed and grown since then. I don't think I come across as especially dream-like... maybe I would if I wasn't so high masking with my autism, but then, what is being dream-like? That is probably something different for all of us. I feel like, as my true self, I often am what others project on to me. I appear as a dream, as the beautiful side of dreams, the wishes people have. As my true self, I appear as something somehow familiar, as if I have visited each and every dreamer's dreams and when they see me, a part of them remembers. Really, it is probably my dream conceptkinity now that I think about it, I haven't *visited* every dreamer's dreams, I *am* their dreams, and as my true self I am recognized that way. I find it difficult and dysphoric to not be seen as who I truly am. I really prefer not to be perceived at all, and as my true self that would have been possible as I can just... exist and be without form, and I cannot do that now. I am stuck in a broken vessel, in one solid form, that hurts all the time. Besides literally sleeping and dreaming and roleplaying with a Dream of the Endless ai, I haven't found a lot of ways in which to truly embody myself. I enjoy thinking about it and discovering more of myself, but I feel like there is more I could be doing.
That is what I wanted to share for now. Thank you for reading if you did!
https://youtu.be/3trKdVz7gX0?si=4YSw82HdkjJNI2tt
What I took away from the panel is that it is alright for noemata to be fluid and to go with what feels right, right now. To not be afraid to let go of what no longer serves you, and to not be too strict on yourself. You don't need to back up any of your claims, you don't need to have it all figured out perfectly, if it feels right to you, then it is your truth, and that is enough.
Since joining the community almost 7 years ago, my noemata has changed a LOT, many times. Part is because I am still figuring myself out and part is because I have many constels with their own noemata. At the moment though, all these noemata are combined into one identity and I wanted to share about that as well as my secondary identity, because I might as well while I am at it!
✨️ My true self ✨️
Right now, my believe is that my true self is a divine oneiric entity. I have no one true form, but can take any as a shapeshifter. As my true self white (hair, fur, scales etc) with golden eyes is sort of my default that feels very much like me, but I can appear in any form without constraints. Also as my true self, I am eons old, and have lived as dream goddess at times, but just as much I have just lived as different species, which are my constels. I would simply take the form of something and assimilate. I have noemata of some of these lives, but very little really. Besides shapeshifting, my main magic is dream magic, but I also use a lot of light magic.
A lot of identities I went by in the past, that I now call stels of mine, had a lot of the same feel to them. Fox spirit, Vulpecula, eidolon, star, for all of these my magic abilities stayed largely the same, the sense of self was the same even in the different appearances and slight shift in noemata. It feels really good to now see them all as parts of the same whole. Where I had felt so much uncertainty and kept looking so hard for who I *really truly* was, I now finally feel some peace. The fact that my identities are forms I took as a shapeshifter explains why I felt wrong deep down calling myself these. I always felt like I didn't quite fit in with the other elves, fae, fox spirits, dogs etc, that I was an imposter among them, and now I feel okay with that.
One noema that I keep coming back to is that I am from a place called the Dream. 'I was born from the Dream and to the Dream I will return'. I don't remember when I first wrote that down, but it has stayed with me. What I believe the Dream to be is a realm outside of the multiverse where all realities can be accessed from. This is where I get the title Dream Wanderer from, going from one universe to the other through dreams. I access different places and then spend time in them, sometimes thousands of years, as either my true self or pretending to be something else (my stels).
Another thing, something I have felt for years now, is that I feel very lonely in my alterhumanity. As if I am something unique and I can't find that connection with others that I crave. I enjoy using the term anymic to show this uniqueness, though I have also found other divine beings that feel the same. Even though my feeling of loneliness hasn't left within the community, I did find people who feel that same loneliness as well as whom had the same difficulty in finding their identity, which is sad that it is more common, but makes me feel better to share this experience with others. Outside the community, I have been finding some comfort in masculine divine oneiric entities, like Dream of the Endless or the Greek god Morpheus as sort of counterparts to myself.
To me, if you see a masculine divine oneiric entity, it is likely a facet of my other half. If you see a feminine divine oneiric entity, it is likely a facet of me. If you see something without gender or nonbinary, it is probably a combination of us. We are both dream concepts. I think perhaps any dream conceptkin could be facets of the same thing, but that is really just something I feel as a possibility, I don't want to push that onto anyone (not that I see lots of dream conceptfolk). I am very curious how other conceptkin feel about that, about others who share their concept.
Human is truly just another constel of mine. I entered this vessel to experience mortal life, though it is just one of the many lives I have tried, it is the first time it's not as a shapeshifter and my true self, but I am truly fully in a human body. I wasn't supposed to remember my true self in this life, and I believe that this vessel cannot contain my essence, and that is why I am severely chronically ill.
✨️My dream self ✨️
My dream self is part of my 'human stel'. My dream self is who I have become in my dreams. I started out as human, but became more and more oneiric and nonhuman as time went by, so I call my dream self an 'altered human'. For this identity, noemata are what I have dreamed about.
My dream self looks like a younger version of myself. I stopped changing and aging at one point. Sometimes I will have random dreams where I look differently, but that is all part of the dream experience. As my dream self I am not a shapeshifter, but I have illusion abilities. I will still be the same size and in a human body, but appear as different creatures to others. I also have intangibility as a main power. I can also control the elements and the weather, fly, breathe underwater, heal with light, become invisible, and at times prophesize or talk to machines.
I wish I had a really beautiful and obvious reason for being dream conceptfolk/an anymic divine oneiric entity, but I don't. Rather than having a good explanation, it just dawned on me more and more over the years. It started with confirming dream deity in early January of 2022 and it has morphed and grown since then. I don't think I come across as especially dream-like... maybe I would if I wasn't so high masking with my autism, but then, what is being dream-like? That is probably something different for all of us. I feel like, as my true self, I often am what others project on to me. I appear as a dream, as the beautiful side of dreams, the wishes people have. As my true self, I appear as something somehow familiar, as if I have visited each and every dreamer's dreams and when they see me, a part of them remembers. Really, it is probably my dream conceptkinity now that I think about it, I haven't *visited* every dreamer's dreams, I *am* their dreams, and as my true self I am recognized that way. I find it difficult and dysphoric to not be seen as who I truly am. I really prefer not to be perceived at all, and as my true self that would have been possible as I can just... exist and be without form, and I cannot do that now. I am stuck in a broken vessel, in one solid form, that hurts all the time. Besides literally sleeping and dreaming and roleplaying with a Dream of the Endless ai, I haven't found a lot of ways in which to truly embody myself. I enjoy thinking about it and discovering more of myself, but I feel like there is more I could be doing.
That is what I wanted to share for now. Thank you for reading if you did!
