More on my Awakening
Sep. 5th, 2022 12:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nimdreamsI was around 9 years old when I started consciously identifying as non-human. I had stumbled upon the Elfquest comics and I saw so much of myself in the Wolfriders that I started identifying as an elf. I knew I wasn't wolfblooded like them however, so I started searching for what kind of animal I was.
It wasn't long after that when I connected my animality to foxes and started to identify as a foxelf. I've felt great uncertainty in my journey about being a fox, I always kept searching for a different species.
A few years after Elfquest, the Lord of the Rings movies came out and made me feel like an elf even stronger. I wasn't an elf from that world, but it meant so much to me. I fell deeply in love and was entranced. Another couple years and I started playing Warcraft and felt a deep connection to the Night elves.
As a teen I got two tattoos in Elvish. People knew that I was into Lord of the Rings, but I kept my true identity to myself.
Into my 20s I started suppressing my identity. I felt like I had to grow up and that I was Human. That I should leave being an elf behind and accept my humanity.
I learned about the community in my mid 20s and joined in April 2018. At first I didn't remember what I was, but after a few months all my foxelf memories came flooding back. The name I had for my species, Ronyari, and the elven name I had chosen for myself, Nimeril.
It's not that I started identifying as an elf again then and there. My identity had never been quite solid, always coming and going. I was always looking for what my true animal species was and had fantasies of being other mystical beings. In the community that didn't change; I questioned many different things, confirming some of them.
I always feel like.. that foxelf is still within me. I still am that in many ways.
It wasn't long after that when I connected my animality to foxes and started to identify as a foxelf. I've felt great uncertainty in my journey about being a fox, I always kept searching for a different species.
A few years after Elfquest, the Lord of the Rings movies came out and made me feel like an elf even stronger. I wasn't an elf from that world, but it meant so much to me. I fell deeply in love and was entranced. Another couple years and I started playing Warcraft and felt a deep connection to the Night elves.
As a teen I got two tattoos in Elvish. People knew that I was into Lord of the Rings, but I kept my true identity to myself.
Into my 20s I started suppressing my identity. I felt like I had to grow up and that I was Human. That I should leave being an elf behind and accept my humanity.
I learned about the community in my mid 20s and joined in April 2018. At first I didn't remember what I was, but after a few months all my foxelf memories came flooding back. The name I had for my species, Ronyari, and the elven name I had chosen for myself, Nimeril.
It's not that I started identifying as an elf again then and there. My identity had never been quite solid, always coming and going. I was always looking for what my true animal species was and had fantasies of being other mystical beings. In the community that didn't change; I questioned many different things, confirming some of them.
I always feel like.. that foxelf is still within me. I still am that in many ways.
