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nimdreamsI was thinking about how my anteatype shaped who I am today. When I identified as an elf, I thought I was alone in identifying nonhuman. I never sought community, and I never told anyone until my husband when we were dating for longer, which must've been around age 27. Being nonhuman was a secret I kept locked deep away. I did get Elvish tattoos, but people just thought I really liked Lord of the Rings (which I do). This shame around who I truly am, is still something I carry and am working through.
As an elf, I had a strong connection to nature and to Elvish fantasy settings. Places like Middle Earth, Azeroth (from Warcraft), and the world of two moons (from Elfquest) were my homes. Consuming media about elves made me feel so euphoric and happy. All these things, I carry with me to this day. But not as something I am or belong to anymore, but in a nostalgic way, looking back at an elven childhood.
I now also consider elf a constel of mine. Multiple different types of elves are part of my rotation. I do think elf as my anteatype is what influences these phases, as I sometimes connect back so strongly to my elf self.
The thing about my constels is that when they are phasing I do identify as them, but I feel like I do not fit among the species I am taking on. I have tried to connect to the elven, fae, fox,and dog communities, for example, lots of times, but I never felt like I fit. I always felt like my experience was somehow different. I hope this is the reason why, that I am constelic instead of having these species as kin- or theriotypes.
As an elf, I had a strong connection to nature and to Elvish fantasy settings. Places like Middle Earth, Azeroth (from Warcraft), and the world of two moons (from Elfquest) were my homes. Consuming media about elves made me feel so euphoric and happy. All these things, I carry with me to this day. But not as something I am or belong to anymore, but in a nostalgic way, looking back at an elven childhood.
I now also consider elf a constel of mine. Multiple different types of elves are part of my rotation. I do think elf as my anteatype is what influences these phases, as I sometimes connect back so strongly to my elf self.
The thing about my constels is that when they are phasing I do identify as them, but I feel like I do not fit among the species I am taking on. I have tried to connect to the elven, fae, fox,and dog communities, for example, lots of times, but I never felt like I fit. I always felt like my experience was somehow different. I hope this is the reason why, that I am constelic instead of having these species as kin- or theriotypes.
