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nimdreamsI've been thinking about my humanity. As a young adult, I pushed away my nonhuman identity and focused on being fully human. Then as I joined the community, I feel like I have done the opposite and have completely pushed away my humanity. Now, I struggle a lot with how my humanity fits into my identity. Because I have had such a hard time settling on any 'type, I sometimes wonder if I am not a human instead. An otherhuman, with magical abilities and shapeshifting, but a human nonetheless. I have such complicated feelings around being human or being perceived as human at all, and I don't know if I am sort of reality checking myself or forcing humanity on myself again, or if this is something I need to explore more.
I am not sure, if it would be healthier and mentally beneficial to embrace being human, to recognize this body as human. But the thought alone just makes me balk one second and then the next the idea of NOT being human is what worries me more. I hate going back and forth on this, as I seem to be doing with everything.
And then, as a shapeshifter, why wouldn't I sometimes be human? I mean, I can be anything, so perhaps I am shapeshifted to be a human sometimes as well. Maybe it is okay that these human feelings come and go, as I take this form or switch out to another one. Maybe human is just one of my more frequent forms lately, and it is a game as much as taking any form can be.
Yeah, maybe looking at it like that is the most comfortable thing right now.
I am not sure, if it would be healthier and mentally beneficial to embrace being human, to recognize this body as human. But the thought alone just makes me balk one second and then the next the idea of NOT being human is what worries me more. I hate going back and forth on this, as I seem to be doing with everything.
And then, as a shapeshifter, why wouldn't I sometimes be human? I mean, I can be anything, so perhaps I am shapeshifted to be a human sometimes as well. Maybe it is okay that these human feelings come and go, as I take this form or switch out to another one. Maybe human is just one of my more frequent forms lately, and it is a game as much as taking any form can be.
Yeah, maybe looking at it like that is the most comfortable thing right now.
