Fae or not?
Jul. 11th, 2024 12:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
nimdreamsGoing back and forth on being fae or not. I am starting to realize that, where I loved being fae when I first took on this label, there just is some darkness and pain connected to it now. I'm not sure what to do with that, or what to make of it. Part of me doesn't even want to talk about it, but here I am.
For the most part, being alterhuman really helps me. It helps me envision a better life that I am leading next to this one. Dream away into a more magical land and forget about my very real situation. With fae however, that is tied to this body too, and to pain and to a difficult life. It's like, I just don't want it to exist. At the same time, it keeps coming back and I am not sure if I need more time to think about it or if I should stop thinking and just let it be.
Every time I do a guided meditation, I end up being fae in them. It always confuses me a little, but as I continue and learn more about myself during the meditation, it starts to feel so right and I end up not wanting it to end. When it does end, I end up being very emotional having to come back to reality. But then for some reason I push it away until I am fae again in a dream or the next meditation.
To be truthful, it seems to me that I definitely am a type of fae, even if I am not like most other fae and don't fit some of the stereotypes. Whether I can be comfortable as such and accept and embrace it, I am not sure. I just wish I could stop going back and forth on it and just let it be in the background, while I focus more on my alterhumanity that helps me feel better.
For the most part, being alterhuman really helps me. It helps me envision a better life that I am leading next to this one. Dream away into a more magical land and forget about my very real situation. With fae however, that is tied to this body too, and to pain and to a difficult life. It's like, I just don't want it to exist. At the same time, it keeps coming back and I am not sure if I need more time to think about it or if I should stop thinking and just let it be.
Every time I do a guided meditation, I end up being fae in them. It always confuses me a little, but as I continue and learn more about myself during the meditation, it starts to feel so right and I end up not wanting it to end. When it does end, I end up being very emotional having to come back to reality. But then for some reason I push it away until I am fae again in a dream or the next meditation.
To be truthful, it seems to me that I definitely am a type of fae, even if I am not like most other fae and don't fit some of the stereotypes. Whether I can be comfortable as such and accept and embrace it, I am not sure. I just wish I could stop going back and forth on it and just let it be in the background, while I focus more on my alterhumanity that helps me feel better.
