Thoughts

[nimdreams]

I still don't feel comfortable with broader labels only, like shapeshifter, celestial, divine, summon. I fill my days trying to find a form that fits. Every time I take on a shape though, I feel like I am clearly the odd one out. Easily picked as the imposter in a line of those with this kin- or theriotype. Like a ditto who can't change its eyes. The other dogs shuffle away a little uncomfortably, the other hares all stare at only me and the elves laugh at my attempts. Which is why lately my focus has shifted to rather rare identities. If there are no other komainu or ratfolk, there is nothing to compare my wrongness to. But I feel it. I know I am trying too hard, putting in all my focus to retain my form. Because when my attention shifts, so do I.
How can I learn to accept myself more. When will I see the beauty in my shapeshifting and illusion abilities and stop limiting myself. To stop seeing this as temporary until I find my kin- or theriotype and truly know myself, because in the meantime I was myself all along.